The Not-So-Glowing Truth of Being Pregnant

So unless you have been pregnant (and I hear now that men can do it too), you won't quite get the magnitude of embarrassing things that happen to your body. We're talking gas, heart-burn with burping and yes, the occasional pee-sneeze or pee-cough.

I seem to have forgotten all of these less-than-pleasing side effects that I know too well occurred the first time, and (thanks to my dear husband who reminds me) they are coming back with a vengeance the second time around.

So here is my advice to new-mom's or even second-time-arounders like me who have forgotten the joys that come with the supposed "glow" we pregnant gals get (by the way, that's because we're constantly sweating):

-The gas. The gas can easily be blamed on a toddler, if you have one. However mine is getting to the point where he'll say "Mommy tooted!" so pick your toddler carefully. If you have no toddler nearby, the husband should take the blame just for the pure fact that he did this to you and should have to pay somehow. If you are alone and can't blame it on anyone - well, really who cares? Do you know any of those people and will you ever see them again anyway?

-The heart-burn burp. This can be pretty easy to hide, unless you had some onions or garlic for lunch. Just keep your mouth closed and slowly leak it out. If needed, carry around some gum. Sometimes you can even blend it in with a cough (although this can also be dangerous - see next symptom: the pee-cough).

-Last, but certainly not least is the pee-sneeze/pee-cough. This is apparently the most humorous side effect to my husband. If you're in the shower or a pool, let it go! If you pee in there who cares? You know our husbands and kids do it anyway. Out of the shower or pool it can get a little trickier. I have learned to cross my legs when I feel one coming on. If you are at your desk or seated this is easy, but if you are in the middle of walking or standing you have to stop and cross. No one will think your crazy! If they do - screw them! All pregnant women are crazy anyway. It's your get-out-of-jail-free card for 9 months.

In closing, milk being pregnant (no pun intended) for all it's worth. You have a bonified excuse to do things you normally wouldn't do in public for 9 whole months. SO take advantage! Get your husbands, girlfriends, family members and coworkers to do everything for you while you can, because as soon as that baby gets here - your old news ladies!!!!