Anaphylactic what?

My son has this whole peanut allergy thing that is becoming a national, no a worldly phenomenon. The first doctor that told us about it was an idiot! She said he has a peanut allergy and if he ever comes in contact with any kind of nut he will DIE! Talk about scaring someone half to death. I think that was when I had my first mental breakdown.

Now, after leaving that crazy bitch of a pediatrician and speaking with a very nice allergy specialist who specializes in children, we are much more informed. In rare cases people have an allergy to peanuts so bad that they cannot even be in the same room with it, much less touch or eat it.

This is not Reilly.

He has been around it and accidentally stuck his hand in it once (don't ask) and had no reaction. I thought this meant that he was possibly not that allergic or maybe not at all. Well, we had our check-up with the good doctor yesterday, and he said that most times the problem comes when the peanuts touch a membrane. So this could be Reilly touching it and then rubbing his eyes or putting his hands in his mouth, or some other kid eats peanut butter and then touches Reilly's eyes or mouth. So not as dire as the bad doctor first said, but still scares the living crap out of me.

Part of me gets mad. I think, I did everything right when I was pregnant with him. I never drank alcohol (or did drugs, but I never did that in the first place). I stayed away from caffeine, lunch meats, shellfish, sushi. I never had more than 1 peanut butter and jelly sandwich a week, which is what the nurse from Morton Plant told me to do. I did everything right and I feel like Reilly is being punished.

I have a friend who ate peanut butter every single day of her pregnancy and her child has no allergies. There are women who smoke and drink when they are pregnant and their kids have no issues.

Why Reilly? I just want to protect him from everything and I feel like this is out of my control. We have epi-pens at home, at school, in the diaper bag. Fears of bullies in school chasing him with peanut butter journey through my mind.

Our doctor is hoping he'll outgrow it. We're going to retest him every year and pray that some sort of cure or immunity comes into play (which they are working on).

After my maddening "why me?" self-pity thoughts come to rest, I then think about all those other mother's who "did everything right" too and they have more issues and "real" handicaps to deal with. I start to feel guilty for my woeful monologues. I need to be thankful for all the things that Reilly is and can do. He's a very healthy, active little boy with the best disposition. I'll just get him signed up for karate classes as soon as he's 4 so those bullies don't stand a chance :)